God Winks and Beggar's Coats

Dear Family and Friends,

This week has been harder than I thought it would be. I was SO encouraged by my progress in the hospital and the initial improvement that I was able to see. I was able to move my toe slightly more than before and had more strength without my brace! It was exciting. I believe I will see progress again soon. 

We did get the word we could leave the hospital at 3;33 pm. This is my favorite number. I thought it was significant enoough that I screenshoted it! I heard Grace Freeman from Don't Miss This call this a "God Wink." Just a little hello from God that shows that He sees you.



 I have had a few setbacks this week. My numbness has increased, and my leg and arm strength decreased. I fell, unexpectantly, a few times. (This really made me feel discouraged and a bit scared to try things by myself.) Everything seemed to be harder than before and took more time and energy to complete. I have also been struggling with back pain. It is not the pain that I thought that I would be struggling with after brain surgery. It has been hard to sleep and hard to find a comfortable position during the day. My body feels extra heavy, and it is hard to hold myself and not slouch. This might be the cause of my back problems. I have also had some struggles getting my bowels working normally again.  My cough continues to be a struggle, especially when talking, singing, or any time I change position.

On a positive note: My incision has not been very painful at all! Grateful for that!  I get my stitches taken out this Friday.



 My physical therapist told me at my appointment this week that I am experiencing what is called "brain shock." The brain recognizes the injury and goes into protective mode. It shuts down everything it can. I don't know why this gave me some peace of mind. I guess I am just grateful to have something to blame for my regression. 

 Spiritually, it was a hard week as well. I was so discouraged! There are many days I really struggled to pray. I just couldn't come up with the words. I would start to pray and then just sit there. My regular scripture study was also a struggle this week as well. I just couldn't find the focus. Towards the end of the week, I knew I needed to connect with God. I listened to some music and finally found the heart to pray. As soon as I prayed, things started to improve. It was almost immediate! I couldn't believe I had waited this long to ask for help.

 Things have steadily improved as I continue to call on My Savior for help. The hard has not gone away. It's still really hard. But somehow, I'm able to face it a little bit better.

 I listened to a conference talk this morning that really gave me perspective. The talk was called RISE! He calleth thee! By Elder Massimo De Feo. He talked about the blind man who called out to Jesus. He threw away his beggar's coat as a symbol of ACTING and following him.

 

“At the Lord’s command to rise, he acted again in faith.

 

The scripture says, “And he, casting away his garment, rose, and came to Jesus.”4

This humble and faithful man understood that he could rise to a better life at Jesus’s command. He knew that he was better than his circumstances, and the very first thing he did when he heard Jesus calling him was to throw away his beggar’s coat.

As long as we make excuses to feel sorry for ourselves, sorry for our circumstances and problems, and sorry for all the bad things happening in our lives and even all the bad people who we think make us unhappy, we keep the beggar’s coat on our shoulders…

 

There is never a good excuse to say, “I am the way I am because of some unfortunate and unpleasant circumstances. And I cannot change, and I am justified.”


When we think that way, we decide to be acted upon.

We keep the beggar’s coat.”

I am grateful for this perspective. I have a choice. I can stay stuck in the hard things happening in my life or follow Jesus in faith. With Jesus, I have a chance to find joy. I can RISE to a better life. 

So, this week is a little bit better! Not because anything has improved. but because I am continually asking for HIS help. Maybe this is the miracle I needed.

Thank you all for your faith, fasting, and prayers offered in my behalf! 

Love,

Emilie


PS Mary and Drew are off to World Championships in Dayton, OH this week for RIFT! We got to go to thier showcase Saturday and it was awsome!





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