My last post was full of complaints. I wrote it and it made me feel better, but I really struggled to know if I should post it. I know it is different that my usual optimistic posts. It explains part of my struggle lately, so I decided to post it. It made me feel better that I could follow with some better news.
Things have improved a bit since I posted last. I had a colonoscopy and an upper GI scope. They did not find anything but gastritis, and the colon is looking good. For the first time in forever, I did not have any odd growths in my colon. That was exciting! The good news is that the colonoscopy has almost resolved the stomach problems. It has been a lot better. I guess I just needed a good clean out! I am still having some problems, but not as severe.
I also have been trying to get to the bottom of my back pain. It is not getting any better. We went to a pain doctor seeking help. They are planning to do a MRI of my lower spine to rule out any problems with the disks. I am anxiously awaiting the MRI. It has been over a week and I have not heard from them. I am hoping that the insurance is not holding them up. In the mean time, I am managing with Tylenol, seat heat, and heating packs. I did push chemo back a week. I wanted a few days of feeling ok. I had a chemo appointment today. I am pretty nervous that it will shut me down again.
Meanwhile, life moves along. Christmas is here! I have been shopping like crazy and I think I am almost done. Abby and Abrahm both got some pictures done. Abrahm had a few we saved until he got his braces off. I don't have Abrahm's back yet, but I will post Abby's. They turned out so good and they make me smile. I am grateful to Micah Wixom for her amazing skills and willingness to try to make a dark auditorium work. I was grateful for Jana McBride for letting us use the auditorium last minute! That was an answered prayer!
We have also been able to do some fun activities in the last little bit. We got to go bowling and rock climbing for Bengal Family Weekend. We drove to Utah to take out Camille's air conditioning units and we got to see the IMAX moving about the James Webb Telescope. The planetarium has some fun interactive exhibits! That was super fun and so fascinating! We celebrated Joe's and Camille's birthday and got to got to two family parties for Thanksgiving.
The kids have started a new trimester. Mary is not finding any relief yet from her intensive schedule of classes. She is doing great at managing her time and breaking things into small chunks. I am proud of her! Gideon has started his elite men's choir. They are singing some really challenging songs and he is so excited. Abby has a easier trimester as well. She will have some extra time to apply for schools and scholarships and work on her senior project. Drew has started his mission papers again and Abrahm is taking his CNA certification test this week! Lots of good stuff!
I was listening to a RVVL podcast (David Butler and Stephen Traeger) this week about Gary B. Sabin's talk, "Hallmarks of Happiness." It was so good! My favorite thing that they said was that living in the PRESENT is so important to happiness. I loved how they tied that to Jesus! "Our PAST sins, shame, mistakes, regrets: cancelled, cleansed, erased. Our FUTURE is also taken care of as we rely on Jesus! We can inherit eternal life! He promises that ALL things will be made right in the end. All that is left to do is to love those in front of you! Do the work of God right here in this moment." Living in the present is so much easier when we realize that Jesus has taken care of the rest. The talk also mentions the power of gratitude to our happiness and that we can never be too kind. TRUTH!!
David Butler mentioned that he read in a study Bible that a translation of YAHWEH, or I AM THAT I AM is "I will be what tomorrow demands." Oh how I love that thought! It means so much to me, especially as I struggle with pain.
Did you see the Christmas devotional? I loved it so much. President Nelson was speaking to my very soul. He mentioned his struggle with pain, and how it made him so very aware of the incomprehensible thought of Jesus taking on him every pain and sickness. I was sitting on the couch, having a pretty rough back spasm at the moment. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of Jesus taking on him that pain and and every other person's pain. Jesus did that because He loves us- He did it for me!
My dear friend, Shannon Williams, sent me this thought this week: (I am not quite sure who to give credit for it!)
"I’ve had moments of personal trouble when I’ve thought that it doesn’t “feel like Christmas.” Sometimes that promising thought is followed by momma guilt that adds “And you should. All the time. And help everyone else to feel that way, too.” But today I had a better thought. Maybe we can celebrate Christmas in a more pure way when things aren’t perfect. When we dearly miss people we love, worry about a sick child, or suffer loneliness. The birth of Jesus was certainly joyous, but there must have been pain and fear that night as Mary brought her little son into the world. The baby we celebrate grew up to be the Savior of mankind, who saves us from our sadness as well as our sins. Like us, He was a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” And in our grief, maybe we’re more likely to cling to the promise of Christmas; the promise of Christ. That He is real. That He understands. That He was born not just for festivities, but for fear. So, whether you are feasting with friends and family or crying in your closet, those are both ways to celebrate Christ. They can all lead us to feel gratitude for His birth and His mission. Because he wasn’t just born for us to have a reason to party. He was born to experience a mortal body in a fallen world so he would know how to love us perfectly. Whatever you are feeling this Christmas, I know that Christ is feeling that with you, and loving you through it. And even if all isn’t calm or bright, it can all be good."
Things have not been calm or bright for me the last month, but because of Jesus, they are good. I am held and cared for in my suffering. I am promised healing...in this life or the one to come! (REALLY hoping for this life!) I know HE lives! HALLELUJAH! Merry Christmas! God Bless you, EVERYONE!
Love, Emilie
P.S. I love the temple! I am finding SRENGTH and HEALING through my Savior as I spend time in His house,
Dear family, I am sorry for the lack of updates lately. I have been struggling! It's difficult for me to find a window of time where I am both physically and intellectually put together enough to make a post! We are excited for Abrahm's wedding this Saturday, and are hoping for good weather, since they would like to hold the wedding here. Abby has excitedley moved to Rexburg to begin classes at BYUI. Hannah got a part in Finding Nemo, Jr. and is busy with dance team.Gideon is doing Driver's Ed and Marching Band. Rift (Indoor Drumline) auditions are finally here, and Mary and Drew are excited to do something challenging again. Gideon auditioned this year and is considering giving Rift a go. Abby is great so far, running into old friends, and quickly making new friends! I attended my 30 year class reunion! It was amazing to see so many old and dear friends! I realized...
Dear Friends and Family, It has been a LONG few weeks! I apologize for the lack of updates. Here are the highlights and adventures from the last few weeks: Emilie's cold and cough: I started coughing at the beginning of January. I have been on two different antibiotics trying to kick it. It has been a rough full body cough, and combined with chemo I have been feeling pretty rough. Just finishing a two week round of Augmentin. I am finally noticing it letting up! I lost my voice for over a week. It still sounds like I am a heavy smoker. I miss my voice! Brandon's Recital: Brandon did an amazing job at his Senior Recital. It was awe inspiring and I can not tell you how impressed I was at his hard work. I tried to upload a snippet but it is not cooperating. I will keep working on it! We got to bring some refreshments for the reception afterword. It turned out to be a really fun night. Congratulations Brandon! He and McKenzie have decided not to walk, but they are graduate...
Dear friends and family This is just a quick update from my last doctor's visit on Monday. We met with Dr. Hale. He showed us that the numbers were going up and that my last scan showed an increase in the number of granulomas in my lungs. He explained that our current regimen of chemo had lost its effectiveness. Basically, the cancer has begun to outsmart my current chemo. We will change to a new kind of chemo. It's nickname is Reggo. We will start this new regimen as soon as the insurance is authorized. The good news: [1] I don't have to go get an infusion every two weeks. The new chemo is simply a pill. [2] This new chemo can cross the blood brain barrier. This means that has a chance and working on my tumor in my brain. The Braftovi was unable to do that. [3] The side effects of the Reggo did not seem too bad. He said it can cause a rash and it can effect my bowels. The bad news: [1] Like the Braftovi, the Reggo has a chance of losing its effectiveness quite quickly. [2]...
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